BLAGOJEVICH SECRET REVEALED!!

I've done it. I have ascertained to my satisfaction the reason why Illinois governor Blagojevich is such a goofball. It became clear to me watching and listening to him on Rachel Maddow's show of Jan. 28, 2009.
The reason he acts the way he does and looks like such a goofball?

Wait for it…


He is actually Dave Barry, pulling one of his pranks for his next book.

Observe:

The resemblance is there. Any difference is probably due to prosthetic devices. Even the hair is similar. The same vacuous grin, the same bemused and confused expression on the face.

You heard it here first folks.
This is right up there with my prediction that John McCain would pick Paris Hilton as his running mate. Better, because admittedly I was wrong on that one, but I was close, yessir, right in the ballpark. I didn't know about Sarah Palin at the time, but I was getting the vibes.

Clearly, frustrated in his attempts to become president, he has lowered his sights to the governor level. Considering what some of our governors are like, he fits right in. No wonder he hasn't been exposed until now. I like Dave Barry and I'm not sure I approve of this foray into x-rated language, but I'll reserve judgement until I see how it plays out. This is certainly more ambitious than that Mentos and diet Coke adventure.

You've been exposed, Dave. Take the foam padding out of your cheeks and own up.

Jan. 20, 2009

Finally. Fin-freaking-ally!

It's a toss-up whether I'm happier Barack Obama is finally president or that George Bush is no longer.

It was a nice ceremony. I haven't watched one since Kennedy was elected. I didn't really think I'd enjoy any since. But i loved this one.

Except for Rick Warren, the only sour note, talking about how everyone is welcome in this country—but if you're gay don't try to get married. Hypocrite. And I know he's a Chrisian (so-called) preacher but did he have to end with the Lord's Prayer? I mean, this country that welcomes everyone is full of Jews and Muslims and Hindus and atheists (as Obama noted in his speech) so why not have an inclusive prayer?

But anyhow, I won't let that spoil my joy.
Great to see so many people (but man I'm glad I wasn't in that mass of humanity). Obama said a lot of good things in his speech, like how we're going to actually work with people around the world. That would be new. It wasn't a JFK type speech, but it was a speech calling everyone to work together, and wouldn't that be nice, if we all worked together?

A great day. The man looked cool and confident, his wife is beautiful—the most attractive couple in the White House since JFK and Jackie. It's going to be so good to hear his voice and see his face for the next four (eight?) years, and no more to see or hear his predecessor.

Happy day, America.

Grumble potpourri

First off, I want to know why I can watch (a day late of course) Jon Stewart on my computer without commercials, but when I want to watch Rachel Maddow, I have to sit thru those annoying "bear with toilet paper stuck to his butt" commercials.
People are just trying to be too cute with something that's made for wiping, uh, the rear.

I suppose some sympathy should be shown to the poor advertising people charged with creating ads for this product. "omigod, not another poop-paper account. What can we do that hasn't been done?"
They should look to Andy Warhol. I have heard he was supposed to do a commercial for Coke, but what he submitted was a thirty second shot of a bottle of coke on a table, and in the last two seconds or so, he entered thru a door, grabbed the bottle and shoved it at the camera and said "Eat Coke."

This idea needs some adjustment considering the product: one couldn't use the word "eat" in this context without creating enemies. How about someone (preferably someone famous—perhaps Mickey Rourke?) coming into the room, grabbing the roll of TP and shouting "Wipe it!"
Wouldn't that get your attention more effectively than cute cartoon bears?

How'd I get off on this? I'm so easily distracted.

I see that a judge let Bernie Madoff (I think that's pronounced Made- off, as in "made off with all your money") stay out on bail, in spite of his attempt to distribute all his assets to relatives and friends so he wouldn't be forced to give them up to reimburse his victims. Really. Nicky Noaccount who knocks over a liquor store for $185 to buy drugs doesn't get off on bail. But the guy who conned who knows how many millions out of people gets to stay in his cushy apartment and enjoy his evening cocktail while scheming to send his jewelry into hiding.

I think I may have mentioned in this blog that I am not a violent person. But the idea of public floggings is starting to look attractive.

And the Democrats finally decided to let Roland Burris into the Senate club. Why did they make such a fuss in the first place? To separate themselves from Rod "alien haircut" Blagojevich, who inconveniently is also a Democrat. They painted themselves into a corner last week and now they have footprints all over the floor.

Oh yes, our soon to be thankfully departed president gave his "last press conference" today. So what does that make? his second or third in this last four years?

No shoes were thrown. Reporters are so much more civilized here. So much more gutless. Or blind—they have probably been dazzled by the press secretary, Dana Perino. Hey, even I think she's a dish and a sweetie. Even if she does work for GWB.

Anyhoo (I got distracted again) Georgie "admitted to some mistakes" according to reports. But not the big ones, no sir. Phony war, violation of constitutional rights, torture—nuh-uh, those weren't mistakes.
Oh, that "Mission Accomplished" banner— that was a biggie.

He makes a big deal out of not drinking anymore, but frankly, I think he would have been a better president soused.

The Golden Globes awards were given. Kate Winslet won a couple, and showed up in one of those "Jesus, how does that thing stay up?" strapless dresses. Not that I am complaining. And Tina Fey, showing a most un-Sarah Palinish décolletage. A good night for aging lechers.
I actually didn't get to see the Golden Globes, not having television up here in the boondocks, but I got to see the pictures on the New York Times website. Occasionally I do regret not having TV.

Mickey Rourke also showed up, looking like, well, Mickey Rourke. That is, not that good. Maybe it's just as well i don't have good TV reception .

Enough. I'm going to go to Hell for wasting peoples' time this way.
cheers.

Man, this new year is something else so far.
Is there no respite from the vacuous, venal and violent?

At least we have Blagojevich for some humor. Not that he's trying to be funny, and, on a deeper level, he's not. No one that blatantly and unapologetically venal is really funny, finally. But on the surface, and for the nonce, he's a million laughs.

The press conference with the people he supposedly helped standing near him (some called it a "human shield") was almost as good as Nixon appearing with his dog Checkers on TV (in response to a contribution scandal). You can't do better than appearing with a dog.

What kind of pet would Dick Cheney appear on TV with while explaining his actions? A Tasmanian Devil?
Of course the idea that Dick Cheney would deign to explain anything he did is pretty much just science fiction or fantasy.

Speaking of science fiction, I just figured out what that haircut of Bagojevich's was reminding me of. Robert A. Heinlein wrote a novel called "The Puppet Masters" in which slug-like aliens attached themselves to the backs of humans and controlled them. I'm proposing that we are under attack by fuzzy aliens who attach themselves to the top of the head of humans to control them and make them do blatently stupid things, like discuss selling a senate seat on a tapped telephone. Blago's alien just didn't land quite right.

Britney Spears' alien landed right, and incidently, looks better. She did make an effort to get rid of it tho.

On a more serious note, I wish the Israelis would realize that bombing the shite out of people is not the best way to get them to stop acting badly. They'll just get sneakier.

And it's about time for Hamas to grow up and put the big boy briefs on and realize that they aren't going to make Israel go away, and that they are only making things worse for their own people. But that is the modus operandi for unwavering ideologues who must have things their own way. Everyone is expendable to the progress of their desires.

In the meantime —TEN MORE DAYS!!

Ten more days before the Bushman heads off into the sunset. He should never have been president.
The only good thing he's accomplished was to prove once and for all that deregulation and market forces do not a healthy economy make. And that was only done inadvertently and by causing a lot of people to suffer. The jobless rate went up to 7.2% last month. That's just one of the results. Your curmudgeon was ahead of the curve on this one, having been laid off last February. I consider myself a trailblazer.

It's going to be interesting to see if the smooth-talking Mr. Confidence, Barack Obama can get the US at least on the way out of this mess, if not entirely out of it. At least Republicans can't go complaining about his spending, not after one of their own blew a budget surplus into smithereens.

Okay, I'm done. Go find something useful to do.

2008 is over—Praise the Lord! or whomever.

Geez, what a year. At least there were no assassinations—here in America. I can remember a few from 1968, you won't see a year like that again, thank God.

But we had enough to wonder, quail and groan at.

The final year of a two year presidential scramble. Sarah Palin. Joe the Plumber. Huckleberry Huckabee (I like that guy, even tho he is opposite of everything I believe— one of the few Presidential wannabees who had a real sense of humor), Mitt the Haircut Romney, John Edwards of the $400 haircut, and mistress. Speaking of mistresses, lets not leave out former Gov. Eliot (Mr Clean) Spitzer.

And remember Hillary "I dodged bullets in Sarajevo" Clinton, and not to be left out, John "evermore removed from reality" McCain.

The Obamarama. I hope this guy comes through.

And then there is the economic tsunami, where your curmudgeon saw all his 401 gains go south this year so that he is left with what he started off with three years ago.

And we see the moronic congress give the bankers and stock manipulators oodles of dough without restrictions but then get all huffy over the needs of the auto companies (and especially the unions).
They get all concerned over people who actually produce something but the bean counters can do whatever they want.
What is wrong with this picture?

And in the last days of the year the Israelis are bombarding the shit out of Gaza, or, as they say, the Hamas leadership. Why do I feel like we've been here before and it didn't work then either?

I've always thought of myself as a friend of Israel, but I really have to wonder about what they are thinking with this latest action. Rocket attacks on nearby Israeli towns notwithstanding. Creating new Palistinian martyrs will not advance the cause of Peace.

One of the terrible legacies of the 20th century (up there in the top ten of "worst centuries in human history" category) is the disregard for non-combatent life. Okay, it wasn't that much better in the 18th and 19th centuries, but usually once you'd been raped and had your food stolen you were still alive. These days you don't even get that small and problematic blessing.
You just get death.

Am i depressing enough now?

Okay, switch gears. There is still a lot to enjoy about life. It's the beginning of a new year. Are you carrying a load of resentment and/or hurt, a sense of failure, a realization that life has gone in a different direction than the one you wanted?

It's not the end of the world.
A door closes, another one opens. If you stop feeling sorry for yourself long enough to look around to see it. You can move on.

This is the time of New Year's Resolutions. I should have done that in all caps to give that expression, New year's Resolutions, the false importance it aspires to.

What this time is, is a time to remember you have or had goals, and it's a time to reassess those goals, desires, hopes, to see if some adjustments aren't in order.

It's time to look over the top of your champagne glass to a) see your future if you continue with what you have been and done in your past, and b) if you have the fortitude to move past that and adjust to new realities, seek new opportunities, make something new of yourself.

Of course this isn't something you do tonight. but you could start a process that grows over the course of the new year to create a new reality, a new future for yourself.

Hey, maybe you don't need that. Maybe you are where you should be (are you REALLY sure?).
But most of us are still a work in progress, and that's not bad. In my deepest heart, I don't really want to find myself finished. I don't really want to reach a point where nothing else needs to change or be done.
This is earth, and as a Sufi sage once indicated, an apple with a worm in it is about the best we can do as a representation of heaven. We gots to enjoy that apple, we gots to respect that worm.
we gots to eat around that worm and still get our nourishment.

Anyway, to get back to where I started with switching gears— shit happens and it will happen to you and me, if it isn't happening now already. But life and its blessings are also already happening to you and me. It's up to us to see and go with the best of these options. And it will be hard sometimes. But in the end i hope you, and I, will find the joy in life in the midst of the sorrows and disappointments.

May you all (both of my readers) have a happy and fulfilling new year!

Ooops, I forgot to complain. Blame it on the holidays.

Seriously,
Happy new year to the world! And to each of you.
cheers.

Sigh

Where to start?
There's snow, all over the place and not stopping.
There's my cat, who will not go outside and expects me to fill in the entertainment vacuum.
And Barack Obama has asked Rick Warren, the evangelical, anti-gay right wing Rick Warren, to do the invocation at his inauguration.

I was hoping he would at least wait til he was actually president before he started disappointing us.

I expected some disappointment. As much as I admire the guy, he is a just-a-leetle bit too far to the right side of center for me. Of course, my center is probably just-a-leetle bit too far left for most folks. But I didn't think i would start to have issues so soon.

Now the Rev. Warren has some good qualities. But no one is all bad. Heck, even Hitler wanted his country to produce a car everyone could afford. That's a good thing, right? The fact that the Beetle became wildly popular among people who stood against everything Hitler was for is just ONE of life's little ironies.
Still, Rick Warrens' opinions about gays and abortion and his endorsement of the usual evangelical sex hang-ups don't show any understanding of the reality of people's lives. And they certainly don't reflect the ideal of inclusiveness which animated this country from its beginnings (well, except for the slaves), nor do they relate to the radical inclusiveness of Jesus's teachings. What would Jesus think about "megachurches?"
There is a large group of people, of all sorts, who feel that scripture is a dead document. That is, it must be accepted as written without any thought to the times in which it was written, and how times might be different now.

I'm a person who thinks that you can glean a lot of understanding and enlightenment about the human condition and our relation to "the divine" thru reading of scripture. But I cannot leave out trying to understand the times in which the various parts of scripture were written.

Is contemporary America in any way analogous to the struggles of a small group of people trying to survive in a hostile environment with the possibility, and at times, the actuality of slavery and extinction of their clan, beliefs and way of life?

Physically at least, people who have had to depend upon God for manna are in a different existential sphere than people who can run down to the local Stop and Shop for their daily bread.
When a tribe depends so desperately upon reproduction for survival, it could be natural to have rules against masturbation, abortion, homosexuality. Also rules about keeping the women in the house, not only to assure the proper paternity, but also to try to keep the death at birth rate down. Not saying that's right, just saying I can see the reasoning there.

But we have 300 million Americans. How many more do we need? I'm just bringing that up because I think our present situation means we should look for more timely and relevant guidance in scripture than rules about reproduction. And I am not making a blanket endorsement of abortion as birth control. Women close to me have undergone abortions, and with good reason. And not just because they were too feckless or irresponsible to use other birth control options. I'm just throwing this in because this is one of those hot items the evangelical right likes to jump on.

What I mean is that if you look at scripture in general, and the life and teachings of Jesus in particular, you could find a more practical, responsible guide for living. And if one follows that guide, a lot of these other issues become moot. Not that, say, unwanted pregnancies wouldn't happen, but they might be dealt with in a more honest and humane manner.

We are not the ancient Hebrews (nor the ancient arabic tribes, for that matter) and we shouldn't try to be them, think like them or act like them.

My rant for the day.
How'd I get here? Oh yeah, I started with Obama. He's got my support so far, i hope he doesn't ef it up.

More Asshatery—It's Bleeping Golden

Ahh, Illinois. Just when things were slowing down Gov. Blagojevich comes to the rescue. With actions so blatant he makes Elliot Spitzer look positively discreet.

I mean the man was ALREADY being investigated—and he still talked on the telephone. Hello? As Peter Sagel said on Wait, wait don't tell me,"We in Chicago weren't surprised at the corruption. We were surprised at how stupid he was."
Indeed. He was outrageously stupid. Not only by trying to sell a senate seat—did I mention 'over the phone'—the tapped phone—while already under investigation, but the seat wasn't just some schmoo's from downstate who didn't have much national presence. It was the president-elect's seat fer pete's sake! You have to wonder how he got to be governor, even in Illinois. He must've been more discreet in his perfidy, previously. No doubt the trappings of power got to him, like it has to other governors in Illnois and lately in New York. Something about high office must just make certain men feel that they're too big to get caught.

But how did he hide the stupidity?
The hairdo should have been a giveaway. No one willing to keep THAT thing on his head is to be trusted.

Anyway, the curmudgeon is pleased to see a good old-fashioned scandal in the news again—the money and corruption kind. No four-thousand dollar hookers, no sex or kinkiness, this one is rated PG. Some foul language.