BLAGOJEVICH SECRET REVEALED!!

I've done it. I have ascertained to my satisfaction the reason why Illinois governor Blagojevich is such a goofball. It became clear to me watching and listening to him on Rachel Maddow's show of Jan. 28, 2009.
The reason he acts the way he does and looks like such a goofball?

Wait for it…


He is actually Dave Barry, pulling one of his pranks for his next book.

Observe:

The resemblance is there. Any difference is probably due to prosthetic devices. Even the hair is similar. The same vacuous grin, the same bemused and confused expression on the face.

You heard it here first folks.
This is right up there with my prediction that John McCain would pick Paris Hilton as his running mate. Better, because admittedly I was wrong on that one, but I was close, yessir, right in the ballpark. I didn't know about Sarah Palin at the time, but I was getting the vibes.

Clearly, frustrated in his attempts to become president, he has lowered his sights to the governor level. Considering what some of our governors are like, he fits right in. No wonder he hasn't been exposed until now. I like Dave Barry and I'm not sure I approve of this foray into x-rated language, but I'll reserve judgement until I see how it plays out. This is certainly more ambitious than that Mentos and diet Coke adventure.

You've been exposed, Dave. Take the foam padding out of your cheeks and own up.

Jan. 20, 2009

Finally. Fin-freaking-ally!

It's a toss-up whether I'm happier Barack Obama is finally president or that George Bush is no longer.

It was a nice ceremony. I haven't watched one since Kennedy was elected. I didn't really think I'd enjoy any since. But i loved this one.

Except for Rick Warren, the only sour note, talking about how everyone is welcome in this country—but if you're gay don't try to get married. Hypocrite. And I know he's a Chrisian (so-called) preacher but did he have to end with the Lord's Prayer? I mean, this country that welcomes everyone is full of Jews and Muslims and Hindus and atheists (as Obama noted in his speech) so why not have an inclusive prayer?

But anyhow, I won't let that spoil my joy.
Great to see so many people (but man I'm glad I wasn't in that mass of humanity). Obama said a lot of good things in his speech, like how we're going to actually work with people around the world. That would be new. It wasn't a JFK type speech, but it was a speech calling everyone to work together, and wouldn't that be nice, if we all worked together?

A great day. The man looked cool and confident, his wife is beautiful—the most attractive couple in the White House since JFK and Jackie. It's going to be so good to hear his voice and see his face for the next four (eight?) years, and no more to see or hear his predecessor.

Happy day, America.

Grumble potpourri

First off, I want to know why I can watch (a day late of course) Jon Stewart on my computer without commercials, but when I want to watch Rachel Maddow, I have to sit thru those annoying "bear with toilet paper stuck to his butt" commercials.
People are just trying to be too cute with something that's made for wiping, uh, the rear.

I suppose some sympathy should be shown to the poor advertising people charged with creating ads for this product. "omigod, not another poop-paper account. What can we do that hasn't been done?"
They should look to Andy Warhol. I have heard he was supposed to do a commercial for Coke, but what he submitted was a thirty second shot of a bottle of coke on a table, and in the last two seconds or so, he entered thru a door, grabbed the bottle and shoved it at the camera and said "Eat Coke."

This idea needs some adjustment considering the product: one couldn't use the word "eat" in this context without creating enemies. How about someone (preferably someone famous—perhaps Mickey Rourke?) coming into the room, grabbing the roll of TP and shouting "Wipe it!"
Wouldn't that get your attention more effectively than cute cartoon bears?

How'd I get off on this? I'm so easily distracted.

I see that a judge let Bernie Madoff (I think that's pronounced Made- off, as in "made off with all your money") stay out on bail, in spite of his attempt to distribute all his assets to relatives and friends so he wouldn't be forced to give them up to reimburse his victims. Really. Nicky Noaccount who knocks over a liquor store for $185 to buy drugs doesn't get off on bail. But the guy who conned who knows how many millions out of people gets to stay in his cushy apartment and enjoy his evening cocktail while scheming to send his jewelry into hiding.

I think I may have mentioned in this blog that I am not a violent person. But the idea of public floggings is starting to look attractive.

And the Democrats finally decided to let Roland Burris into the Senate club. Why did they make such a fuss in the first place? To separate themselves from Rod "alien haircut" Blagojevich, who inconveniently is also a Democrat. They painted themselves into a corner last week and now they have footprints all over the floor.

Oh yes, our soon to be thankfully departed president gave his "last press conference" today. So what does that make? his second or third in this last four years?

No shoes were thrown. Reporters are so much more civilized here. So much more gutless. Or blind—they have probably been dazzled by the press secretary, Dana Perino. Hey, even I think she's a dish and a sweetie. Even if she does work for GWB.

Anyhoo (I got distracted again) Georgie "admitted to some mistakes" according to reports. But not the big ones, no sir. Phony war, violation of constitutional rights, torture—nuh-uh, those weren't mistakes.
Oh, that "Mission Accomplished" banner— that was a biggie.

He makes a big deal out of not drinking anymore, but frankly, I think he would have been a better president soused.

The Golden Globes awards were given. Kate Winslet won a couple, and showed up in one of those "Jesus, how does that thing stay up?" strapless dresses. Not that I am complaining. And Tina Fey, showing a most un-Sarah Palinish décolletage. A good night for aging lechers.
I actually didn't get to see the Golden Globes, not having television up here in the boondocks, but I got to see the pictures on the New York Times website. Occasionally I do regret not having TV.

Mickey Rourke also showed up, looking like, well, Mickey Rourke. That is, not that good. Maybe it's just as well i don't have good TV reception .

Enough. I'm going to go to Hell for wasting peoples' time this way.
cheers.

Man, this new year is something else so far.
Is there no respite from the vacuous, venal and violent?

At least we have Blagojevich for some humor. Not that he's trying to be funny, and, on a deeper level, he's not. No one that blatantly and unapologetically venal is really funny, finally. But on the surface, and for the nonce, he's a million laughs.

The press conference with the people he supposedly helped standing near him (some called it a "human shield") was almost as good as Nixon appearing with his dog Checkers on TV (in response to a contribution scandal). You can't do better than appearing with a dog.

What kind of pet would Dick Cheney appear on TV with while explaining his actions? A Tasmanian Devil?
Of course the idea that Dick Cheney would deign to explain anything he did is pretty much just science fiction or fantasy.

Speaking of science fiction, I just figured out what that haircut of Bagojevich's was reminding me of. Robert A. Heinlein wrote a novel called "The Puppet Masters" in which slug-like aliens attached themselves to the backs of humans and controlled them. I'm proposing that we are under attack by fuzzy aliens who attach themselves to the top of the head of humans to control them and make them do blatently stupid things, like discuss selling a senate seat on a tapped telephone. Blago's alien just didn't land quite right.

Britney Spears' alien landed right, and incidently, looks better. She did make an effort to get rid of it tho.

On a more serious note, I wish the Israelis would realize that bombing the shite out of people is not the best way to get them to stop acting badly. They'll just get sneakier.

And it's about time for Hamas to grow up and put the big boy briefs on and realize that they aren't going to make Israel go away, and that they are only making things worse for their own people. But that is the modus operandi for unwavering ideologues who must have things their own way. Everyone is expendable to the progress of their desires.

In the meantime —TEN MORE DAYS!!

Ten more days before the Bushman heads off into the sunset. He should never have been president.
The only good thing he's accomplished was to prove once and for all that deregulation and market forces do not a healthy economy make. And that was only done inadvertently and by causing a lot of people to suffer. The jobless rate went up to 7.2% last month. That's just one of the results. Your curmudgeon was ahead of the curve on this one, having been laid off last February. I consider myself a trailblazer.

It's going to be interesting to see if the smooth-talking Mr. Confidence, Barack Obama can get the US at least on the way out of this mess, if not entirely out of it. At least Republicans can't go complaining about his spending, not after one of their own blew a budget surplus into smithereens.

Okay, I'm done. Go find something useful to do.